1 Guaranteed way to make your child feel unloved

The pressures of modern life and parenting in a modern world can be overwhelming.  Information overload, peak traffic , inflation, finanancial pressures, naughty children, narcissistic colleagues... say no more.  Modern life is tough. 

That's why I want to give you 1 quick but GUARANTEED tip on how to make your child feel unloved; even hated.  

Have your child observe or hear how you and your partner fight. 

Shocking but true. 

Why can I say this?  Because I've heard many children say this to me during play therapy. 

Let me explain
You are your child's world!  You are how they survive in this world.  They know it. 

If you become unsafe, by fighting, you disrupt their feeling of safety.  The only way they can feel that they are safe again, is by idealising you and devaluing themselves.  They have to make you good and safe.  They can only do this by making themselves bad.  It's the way childrens' minds work.  It is not logical to you but it is to a little human being that has to keep you "good" in order to stay attached to the parents that have to protect them.

Truth:  All couples fight. So, how to do it in a way that doesn't affect your child's view of themselves?  You've heard this a million times, so I'll just bullet point it:
  • Don't fight in front of the children;
  • If you start a fight in front of the children, apologise to them;
  • Make a conscious decision to NOT snap, shout, or be sarcastic where the children can hear or observe;
  • Explain to them how all good relationships will have disagreements;
  • Explain to them that even if you fight, it doesn't mean you don't love one another;
  • Show them how you have made peace;
  • Apologise to one another in front of your children regularly; and
  • Ask for forgiveness from your spouse and your children when there was conflict. 
Fix this NOW
  1. Go to your children NOW
  2. Ask them for forgiveness for any nasty conflict you've had with their other parent where they could hear or observe it.
  3. Explain to them what you have done wrong.
  4. Explain to them how it does not mean you don't love them.
  5. Allow them to tell you exactly how it made them feel when you fight. Accept all their feelings.
  6. DO NOT tell them not to feel that way. 
  7. DO NOT try to make excuses for your behaviour. 
Just make them feel better. 

I know that it will make you feel better. 


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