tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659813191322176412.post4851404752689912414..comments2023-11-14T13:13:58.655+02:00Comments on Project Connect-a-Gain: Burnout: The thin line between selfish and selflessAmandahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06991706450864140189noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7659813191322176412.post-18679846846980858192012-02-24T14:56:35.944+02:002012-02-24T14:56:35.944+02:00It's incredibly freeing when those who do grow...It's incredibly freeing when those who do grow up thinking that love is about performing suddenly realise that we have learned selfish love patterns! I absolutely could not answer if someone asks me what I need at any particular 'now'. I might say vaguely - I think I need food or to sleep. But these are merely symbols of the basic emotional needs a lot of the time.. <br /><br />So I realised recently that my understanding of love is that it's about what I can do for the other person, being compliented for how I look - not for just 'being'. Unselfish meant meeting another's needs (and guessing what they were)and somehow having to be invisible at the same time. Then I was so upset when I realised that I am not being unselfish when I do this because in this pattern, somehow I have to get my needs met - but I follow the same pattern as above with others. If I was to love it meant not asking for needs to be met and being perfect. This means that we can start off in such a needy state ourselves that we do not realise that a) we are not loving others b) we are quite 'dry' in our ability to do so c) and there's no communication!<br /><br />Good post! These strong emotions - are so important to pay attention to - little red flags. Sometimes it's possible to learn to self soothe when in the grip of one - I've learnt that from you too! :)<br />XBarbara.and.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11021556286773472357noreply@blogger.com